Change

I've seen a very welcome change this week. Last week, I sat wondering if I was ever going to use my nursing skills again. I felt like a failure because I wasn't doing what I know I am capable of. It was hard for me to go to work, and I'm not happy to admit that there were tears before several of my work days because of this concern. At the end of the week, I heard from my office that my patient no longer qualified for services. I felt sad for the family, but excited at the thought of a possible new direction for me. It was concerning that I might be out of work until a new family presented themselves, but I was willing to take that chance.

And then I met the sweetest and most needy family. They are absolutely precious. This sweet little boy requires all of my nursing skills, including those I haven't used for years. Trachs, tubes, diapers, you name it...he has it. The mother has the most amazing faith and she and I get along famously. She hugged me on Thursday and told me through her tears that she was blessed to have found such an angel. I certainly don't feel like an angel, but I am so glad to know that my skills are blessing another family. It makes me feel worthwhile! I'm working three days a week and my days go by quickly because I'm so busy!

I've had the most busy week! Between my new patient and having the boys over so much last week, I've been running crazy! Jacob and Andrew came over on Saturday and left on Thursday night. It was SO FUN to have a house full! We played games, went swimming, and generally just got to know more about each other as a family! Andrew is doing a golf tournament tour this summer and he had his first tournament on Tuesday. He didn't play very well, but he hadn't done the tournament thing in 2 years, so it was a nerve wracking experience for him! And a learning one as well! I did learn that boys will EAT me out of house and home! I thought I had plenty of food, but ended up making an emergency food trip on Wednesday! How on earth do people drink that much milk? ICK! :)

In less than three months, I will be married to the love of my life, ready to go on our Maui honeymoon. I can NOT wait for this! The planning, organizing, and worrying are not my favorite part of this process! I'm ready for the finished product! This week, I received a notice from my apartment complex that it's time to renew my lease...which reminds me that I have NO idea where we'll be living in three months! AAAHH!!! :)

That's all that's gone on the last few weeks. My best friend is getting married next weekend, and I'm certain that will be fraught with a whole host of FUN! She and I have been friends for 14 years and I am HONORED to spend her last night of singleness with her. It's gonna be an insane week! Working Tues, Wed, Thurs...then wedding fun on Friday and Saturday! I think the boys will be back on Sunday because Jacob's birthday celebration will be happening, as well as another tournament for Andrew! I love my life!

It's been a long few weeks. I've been so grateful to have a job that pays me well for what I do, but it's really REALLY hard to work when I don't even feel that I'm doing nursing work! I've been a home health nurse before, but at least in that job, I KNEW that sweet boy had medical issues and I got to deal with them on a personal level. Now, I just babysit and deal with years of non-discipline. Last Thursday, my patient broke down into a fit of rage and in my nursing need to protect him, I got my hand kicked violently into the TV cabinet. I didn't have any idea how much it hurt until I got home that night and noticed that not only could I not move the finger, but it was swollen about three times its normal size! Those grooves you have in your knuckles? Gone. It was beautiful black and blue and let me spend Friday night in the urgent care center!

I need major prayers to stay in the job I'm in. I know that God has a plan for me and my career, but it's just SO hard to imagine that God would want me in a place where I'm not using any of my nursing skills. I've interviewed at several places and am waiting for them to make their decisions. It's SO hard to wait, but if this is what God wants for me right now, I will sit patiently and try to listen to what He wants for me.

Jason and I are fabulous! He and I got to spend some great time this past weekend together. We went to fabulous Colonial golf tournament on Sunday and weathered the blazing May heat together! We ended up leaving before it ended because of the endless "rain delay" in which we never saw ANY rain. Monday, Jason and my dad played golf while Mom and I ordered invitations and prepared food for our memorial day fun. After dad and Jason came back, we all went over to Michael and Jennifer's for a cook out! It was SO fun!

I've got some big stuff going on this week and COVET your prayers. Not to be greedy, but this would be a really big thing I've been dealing with that will hopefully be all figured out by the end of this week. I can't really say more than that, but I know my faithful readers will pray regardless of having more information or not!

Another big thing that's happening this week is Oliver is going to live with Becca full time. He's SUCH a sweet baby, but he doesn't really do well with kiddos. Jason's kids will be over here a lot this summer and it's just safer for them to not be around him, especially if either Jason or I aren't around. It is going to be really hard for me to not having him around, but in the long run, Jason's kids and their well being are more important. Becca and I would love to find him a place where he could live in the country and chase squirrels to his heart's content. Right now, he'll stay with Becca and her yard. Not quite sure what his ultimate location will be, but right now, that's the plan.

Anyways, that's the fun going on right now. These next few weeks are going to be so busy, but fun! I've got Becca's bachelorette party and wedding, Andrew's golf tournament, and lots of other random funness! I'm excited for the mayhem! :)

Blessings

It's been an extremely dreary morning. Over the last few days, the weather has been typical for Texas, but a true change from what it has been. We've regained the humidity and propensity for random thunderstorms! Arg! It hasn't rained any yet this morning, but it's in the forecast. Judging from the look of those clouds, it's a definite possibility.

What a week it has been! I started out last Saturday on a plane to Las Vegas! It was a blessing to have prepaid for that trip long ago because I didn't realize how much I needed to get away. Jason and I went with a group of friends and had an amazing time! Saturday night, we got to see Ka, one of the most popular Cirque de Soleil shows. It was insane! If you have ever seen one of these shows, you know that there's really no way to explain it. There's a lot going on, almost constant scenery changes, and mixed in there is a slight confusion as to what is actually the plot. All you know is that it looks AMAZING! Sunday, Jason and I broke off from the group and went to the famous "In and Out Burger", which is supposed to be like the west coast Whattaburger (I still think Whattaburger is better!). We also went to the Hoover Dam! What an amazing experience! The state is currently building this ginormous bridge just to the south of the dam and the feats of engineering in that space is phenomenal! We took a TON of pictured, were blown away by the wind, and had a great time just being together and enjoying the bright and sunny day. That evening, we went with the group and wandered around some of the casinos. I think we ended up walking through Harrah's, the Flamingo, Caesar's Palace, Bellagio, and finally ended up at Planet Hollywood for awhile. After the hungry bug started to bite, we wandered around looking for cheap steak and eggs! I think we found one of the shiftiest casinos, Bill's Gambling emporium (or something equally classy) and ate ribeye, hashbrowns, eggs, and toast at 2AM! Monday, Jason and his friend went to go play golf at a fabulous and award winning course while the girls and I went to the outlet malls. That night, we all got dressed up for an amazing dining experience at Carne Vino, the restaurant owned by Mario Batali from Food Network. The food was INSANELY good! Jason and I split a larger than life ribeye and the group had a great time being all dressed up and classy. We headed home Tuesday with plans to make a greater effort to get away and vacation!

Thursday, I started work! Finally! I'm a nurse for a little 9 year old boy who has a host of medical problems, but is still active, talking, walking, and socializing! It's the easiest nursing job I've ever had! We play Wii, fix snacks, watch an insane amount of Scooby Doo, and I put him to bed and monitor for a few hours before I head home. The family has grown children and ended up adopting three special needs children later on in life. They've never reached out for help, but it's so evident they need it. They are angels! Last night, I went to church with them and watched the little boy and allowed mom to worship without being concerned for what her child was getting into. It helps because this family is SO appreciative and it makes it a joy to care for them. While school is in session, I'll be working 3-11 on Monday through Friday. No weekends unless I want more hours! Hooray!

Before I knew the job would pan out, I did about 10 more applications at local hospitals. I ended up getting three interviews next week! I have 2 with adult heart programs and one with a pediatric heart program. There's no guarantee that I will be offered any of these jobs, and I may not take any of them, but it is flattering to have the interviews. I'm still trying to piece together if home health is going to be the right fit for me at this time in my life. I figure, if I am supposed to do something else, the opportunity will be supremely hard to pass up!

So now, my new normal consists of a relaxing steady job, wedding planning for that amazing September day, and loving on my fiance, step children, and puppy dogs. After school lets out, my work schedule will change again and allow me to spend more time this summer with Jacob and Andrew. Hooray!

That's the low down right now! I hope God is blessing you right now as much as He is blessing me!

The way it is!

It's been almost six weeks since I worked, and it's such a strange feeling. I loved my job at Children's, but now I see how much it affected my health! I have been able to sleep without difficulty since my job ended. It's amazing how something like sleep can change a person! Being on call doesn't allow you to sleep well. It's like the calm before the storm, but one never EVER knows when the storm will hit!

I do miss my patients terribly. Being a part of someone's life that intimately is something that is not easily severed, but I am learning to move on. I know these precious babies are cared for, and that is the most important thing. My sweet K, S, D, B, T, C, and so many more will always have a special place in my heart. I am a better person for knowing them and their sweet families.

My new job hasn't started yet...and it's almost driving me nuts! It was supposed to start this week, but my patient's dad was hospitalized, so it's been postponed. I guess it's for the better. I'm going on VACATION this week, so it's probably better that I have some additional time off. It's going to drive me nuts next week if I am not doing something....

Oh yes, my VACATION? I am SO very excited! Jason and I are going with a big group of friends to LAS VEGAS! We've actually had this trip planned since last year and it's finally going to happen! We leave on Saturday and return on Tuesday. We're going to do all kinds of fabulous things....like Cirque de Soleil shows, visiting the Hoover Dam, golf, and just being with fun friends! It seems like I've been on vacation for the last month and a half, but I am certain it will be nice to be out of the state and away from all the drama here!

So, that would be the status of affairs here in Euless. Liberty is busy being a food snatching evil doxie. Oliver is with Becca. I am busy planning my vacation and wedding showers for Becca....and all kinds of other mischief! Including planning my own wedding! :)

Thank you so much to those who have me in your prayers. I still need it on a daily basis. I am a workaholic who is having to learn to not be crazy stressed and busy. I know God is in control and I am SO thankful for that.

A new start

After lots of prayer and talking to those I really trust, I made a really difficult decision last Monday. I resigned my job at Children's and determined myself to take a different path in life.

It's been an interesting journey so far. I've had so many recruiters calling that it seems overwhelming! I've gotten lots of patient and co-worker emails and messages stating how much I'll be missed...that really feels good.

I absolutely loved my job at CMC, but in the end, it was the right decision to leave. God has been putting little bugs in my ear for the last 6 months, but I have been trying not to listen to them because I refused to accept the idea that I may not have all the answers. Well, I'm learning that lesson!

I am so thankful for my blog readers who I know will lift me up in prayer when I ask. It seems like I've been doing it a lot lately, but I know that those prayers have helped. Prayers are still needed. I have no job right now, but several good leads. I have a fiance who loves me and is going to work even more so he can help me if it takes longer than a few weeks for me to find a job. I have a family who supports me and knows this was the best decision. I have amazing friends who are willing to either talk about it or distract me.

So, here's to the next adventure! It seems rather weird to sit at home all day and talk to recruiters and do phone interviews, but this is my reality right now. That and play with Oliver and Liberty! :)

Soap box

I typically don't like to rock the boat too much on my blog. I prefer to leave any statements of conflict or strong opinions to an actual conversation, not my written words. I find this works better for me...there's less of a chance for someone to walk away from a controversial conversation with me with the wrong idea than there is with a blog. It's like texting, there's no way to convey tone in a text. It's not a conversation, it's merely our society's way to limit our personal conversations and have a means to say difficult things without having to actually sit in front of a person and do it. Now, I'm not going to sit here and say I don't text. That's not at ALL what I'm saying. I'm a texting queen. When I look back at my cell phone bill every month, I'm always a little sad at the amount of "non-conversation" I have versus actual phone calls.

I've been taking some time off work lately to deal with some personal stuff going on. It's given me some time (sometimes I think too much time!) to look at some situations in my life that I've been too quiet about. I've had several things happen in the last few months that have really led me to take stock of my life and realize who my true friends are. These people are not shocked or dismayed when things go differently than planned. They don't lecture or judge. They just love. They call and offer support even if they don't agree with choices I've made. They don't ignore the misjudgement on my part, but they realize that everyone makes mistakes and don't label me as some sort of "broken" creature.

Christians are not perfect. Those who believe they are have some sort of piety that I am certain God doesn't welcome. What does God welcome? Those who choose to love the broken, hate the sin and not the sinner, and embrace those who realize their own shortcomings and are making valiant attempts to be more Christ-like.

The friends and family who really know me, know that the circumstances I have found myself in are not the norm. They are not who I am. It is those friends and family who realize this fact that I want to surround myself with. Not the judgers, the prideful, or those who would base how they respond to me on the circumstances, not by what they know of me and my character.

People can change for the good and for the bad. Striving to be more Christ-like is my goal. I hope that is evident. If it isn't, I welcome constructive criticism, but judgement isn't needed or wanted.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

How fabulous is that promise? It's so certain! It doesn't say, if you have trouble. It says WHEN. God knows we are going to struggle and has given us this most precious promise! When all the crap goes down, our God has conquered it all already and we just need to cling to Him and His promises.

That's my opinion for the week. If you're interested in talking more, most of you know where to find me. If this post spoke to you, than praise God because HE wrote it, not me.

Spring-tastic picture fest!

Spring has sprung! It's been so beautiful this week already! I'm loving the change from 30's to 80's! Yay for spring! Of course, we still opened the spring season with 6 inches of snow, but hey, at least it was gone quickly!


The very next day, it was absolutely beautiful and the puppies and I felt we needed outside time!




Having beautiful weather means Jason gets to have fun on the grill. While I didn't get a picture of the actual steak he made, I did take pictures of someone enjoying the leftovers.


Isn't she pathetic?

Today, it's been another lovely day. I've been spending time on the porch making wedding crafts! I've been batting around the idea of those flower pomador thingys, but wasn't sure if I would be successful at making them. I also made a flower girl basket for a sweet friend. It may seem weird to have a basket when there's not a flower girl present, but it was important for me. I'm going to put it on the "In Memory Of" table with her picture, along with pictures of all Jason and I's important family members who couldn't be there either.





And here's Liberty, who was sulking because I wouldn't let her continue to eat my cilantro plant. She was refusing to look at me when I called her name...


Hope the beginning of your spring has been wonderful! Can you believe in two days it will be APRIL? Yikes! :)

Tagged!

Thanks to Maddie, I've been tagged! Well, this post will most likely be the most embarrassing and yet freeing post I've ever written!

Most of you know I've been a big girl for the greatest portion of my life. I've tried diet after diet to no avail. In January of 2008, I made the decision to pursue gastric bypass as a way to help me achieve my goals of healthy living. I'd endured YEARS of ridicule, diets that didn't work, and a stifled self esteem. It was time.

THIS was my before picture. My mom took it the night before my surgery.


If you've seen me lately, you know that I am 140ish pounds lighter than this. But I am still the same person. Just the outer body has changed...but not the heart inside.

Yes, I found the love of my life in this new body. BUT, I still have flaws. You can't lose this much weight without extra skin and folds. I am still ME, regardless of whatever extra stuff is there.

I absolutely celebrate those friends who have been there with me through the whole journey. Those who loved me as a big girl and now love me as a littlish girl. I can NOT fault my fiance because he didn't know me as a big girl. But he has seen me in that light...I don't hide ANY facebook pictures from him. He knows what I have been.

I am so blessed. Thanks to Maddie for having me take a minute to reexamine this part of my life. A part that is so essential to my being, but almost 2 years foreign to me. A weird thought, to be sure.

It's FRIDAY!

I don't have any reason to be overjoyed that it's Friday. Except that I am! My week has really been pretty smooth! I've been on my own this week, but it's been relatively slow. We've done a lot of evaluation of new heart kids, but all in all, things haven't been crazy.

Even though it's been slower at work, I've actually had a lot to do in the evenings. My mom came to town on Friday for a fun weekend of wedding planning and mischief. We actually got SO much accomplished! Saturday morning, we got up and ran some errands. On the way home, we stopped at Market Street. They were having a Bridal show thing and had some displays of what they offered for cakes, flowers, and catering. They also had some door prizes. We sampled, entered the contests, and ended up putting our deposits down on the cake and flowers, which we had already decided to get from there. We went home to relax. Later that afternoon, mom got a phone call telling her she had won the grand prize! She ended up winning $200 off the cake, $200 off the flowers, and $200 off catering! OH MY GOSH! What a fabulous blessing! That allows us to have big chunks paid off for those two things we already placed deposits on and a possibility for catering for the rehearsal dinner! YAY GOD!

Later on in the week, I got another phone call saying I had won the two free cooking classes! Yes, that's right, between the two of us, we won ALL the prizes at that Market Street!

Tuesday night, I ended up going to a dinner meeting for the transplant camp I always attend. It's fun to hang out with the teenagers all weekend, even if they do keep me up WAY past my bedtime!

Wednesday, I met Michael at his law firm in uptown and we headed down to see one of our favorite Irish bands, the Kildares. I "found" an unused St Patty's Day necklace and hat to make up for my obvious lack of green. We had a great time listening to them rock out!

Thursday was Jason's birthday! I made him a cake (with all my mad cooking skills!) and we happily ate mexican food!



Oh, I love him so.

Anyways, I've got some time off coming my way, so I've got a lot of errand running planned. YAY! Or nay. Depends on if you love errands. It depends on what mood I'm in! :)

Hope your weekend is smooth sailing!

"March is a month of considerable frustration - it is so near spring and yet across a great deal of the country the weather is still so violent and changeable that outdoor activity in our yards seems light years away." --- Thalassa Cruso

Isn't that the truth? I seriously can NOT figure out the weather this year! It goes from hot to cold at a moment's notice! Today, it's cool and cloudy. Yesterday, it was warm and sunny! There's just no telling what this weather is going to do! It's hard because my mood really seems to be affected by the outdoors this year! Strange!

My agenda was to clean the house this weekend. I woke up on Sunday morning to 2 inches of water in the entire apartment. Dog bowls were floating across the kitchen floor and there was water shooting out from underneath the kitchen sinks. Turns out, there was some sort of leak. The pipe was fixed soon enough but I've spent the rest of the week dealing with the after effects. I actually didn't get my carpet fixed until Thursday, so walking around on wet soggy carpet was just FABULOUS! I think the smell is finally gone as well. They are supposed to come back and clean the carpets on Monday, we'll see if that actually happens.

Right now, I'm hanging out with Liberty while watching Twilight for the 99th time. I've got laundry in the dryer, but we all know how much I despise folding. I'm certain it will sit on the far corner of my bed for awhile before I actually do something with it.

Wedding plans are going swimmingly. Last weekend, my mom came into town to start some of the big decisions. I ended up finding "THE DRESS" and making some other big decisions. We picked out cake and flowers as well. I was able to show my mom the place we picked out to get married, she loved it! Sunday, Jason and I were scheduled to bowl in a fund raiser for Camp Soar, the teenage transplant camp. Even though I thought the day would be ruined by the minor apartment flood, we were still able to go. Jason brought his kiddos and they had a chance to meet my mother, which she absolutely loved. I know she's excited about instant grandchildren! :) We all bowled together before the tournament began, and mom ended up leaving right before it started to drive back to Houston. I was glad she had an opportunity to meet Jacob and Andrew.

This week is a busy one at work. We're pretty much seeing anyone we can see before my two main transplant doctors go on vacation. I think the other coordinator will be gone too, so it will be me, the new nurse practitioner, and the fellow holding down the fort! We'll be fabulous!

Well, Liberty and I are going to head back to our afternoon of snuggling and Edward Cullen drooling. :) Jason's at work today, so he's having to miss out on this beautiful experience!

Enjoy your day! I know we will!

Whew!

I've been engaged for 2 weeks now, and the overwhelmed feeling hasn't gone away. I'm beginning to think it's gonna stay around until the wedding! It has been an awesome experience so far...getting to call Jason my fiance makes me pretty darn happy! I still feel so blessed to be starting this journey with him.

So, the countdown to September 10 has begun. By tomorrow, the contract will be signed for the ceremony/reception location. The registries have been started. The wedding website is being created. I've got 2 really good dress contenders. I think I have a color scheme. We have the people who will be standing up with us. There's a lot more details that need to be worked out, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective.

Liberty and I are spending a warm and toasty Valentines Day together. Jason got called into work, so we are snuggling on the couch. The remnants of the record shattering snow storm are quietly melting. I have tomorrow off, but have to go in for about an hour to do some teaching with one of my families. I have chili in the crock pot and the Olympics on the TV! The only thing that could make it better would be Jason's presence, but him being able to work steady is a GREAT thing!

Ok. Guess I should get back to my busy afternoon of Olympics and chili! :) Have a fabulously wonderful Valentine's day! :)

I said YES!

Yep, you heard it right! I am getting MARRIED IN SEPTEMBER! I am marrying the most amazing and loving man imaginable. I do not deserve all the goodness God has brought to me.

Details to follow. Thanks be to God for all HE has provided for me!

Adventures in motherhood.

I have been so blessed this year! I have a stable job, an affordable residence, and a family that loves me. My ultimate blessing this year has been meeting Jason and cultivating our relationship more and more every day. We'll be together for a year on January 26, and it's odd to think of my life before him.

Not only have I been blessed with the gift of Jason, but I've been blessed to be a part of the lives of his two kiddos, J and A. Since both Jason and I know that God has put us together to be with each other forever, it's weird thinking of myself as a future stepmother. I'm definitely not the kind of Cinderella step mother that I'd imagined in the past. I think I'm pretty cool for the most part. I've always loved kids and know that I'm probably going to have 2 or 3 of my own, but to be blessed with two from the get go is fabulous!

I'm not sure if I was supposed to mesh so easily with Jason's kids, but it's been a blast getting to know them. J is 13 and completely reminds me of my brother Michael. He's super smart, not that athletic, pretty quiet, and would spend every moment he could playing his DS or the Wii. He loves music and plays a mean guitar. He is the dark haired miniature of his father and has so many of his mannerisms it's scary! A is 7 (soon to be 8 in two days!) and ALL boy. He loves golf and pretty much anything that involves him running around like a tasmanian devil! He's also smart, but has a completely sassy side that reminds me of how I was as a child.

This weekend, Jason and I wanted to celebrate A's 8th birthday. We had cake, went to a REALLY cool driving range, and generally played a lot of Wii Fit. It's so funny to see the two of them react to me. I made them sandwiches for lunch and didn't stop getting thanked for about 2 hours after the meal! I baked and decorated a cake for the birthday boy, and you would have thought I'd made the most gourmet cake ever, even though it is pretty much the most basic cake imaginable! It's so fun to get to know these boys and know that it's going to be a relationship for years to come. I only pray that I am a good influence for these guys and grow to be someone they can really trust.

My new year

My new year's resolutions....

Dear God, let me love others more than I love myself.

Let me always be thankful in other's joy before I am thankful in my own.

Let me remember that God has truly blessed me WAY more than I deserve.

Let me decide to live with JOY instead of with FRUSTRATION.

Let me remember to be the optimist instead of the pessimist.

Let me be thankful that HE has blessed me with the love of my life and not be worried about the little things.

Above all else, let me focus my life on what HE wants me to do, not what I want or think should happen. Let me be GOD centered, not ME centered. And let me be thankful when I am reminded of this, not offended because things don't happen the way I THINK they should. God is in control, not me.

My newest uplift.

At Your Feet by Casting Crowns

Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free

Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I’ve found
All I need, You’re all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You’re all I want now
And my soul sings…

‘Cause I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

And I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

Here at Your feet
I lay my life down

If you haven't had the opportunity to listen to Casting Crowns before, I'd highly recommend them. They ALWAYS have a song that seems to speak to me RIGHT where I am at that moment. They don't pansy around with the lyrics of their songs either. Truth is spoken LOUDLY! This song is the latest comfort to me. I've attached the Youtube version so you can experience this with me!

Enjoy!

Learning to accept change

As a little girl growing up in church, one of my favorite things was to spend the afternoon at a friend's house after Sunday morning services. We had to be back at church that night, so it was always fun to be a part of another family for awhile.

If you know anything about me in my personal life, I'm a wonderful ATTEMPTED planner, but it typically doesn't work out the way I've decided it should. These events were no exception. My friends and I would come up with this brilliant idea for lunch fun during Sunday school and then I was left to ask permission from my mother. For some reason, we always went to the other family first. Eight times out of ten, my mother would look at me and say "Now, Stephanie, you know I hate surprises." OOH! That would infuriate my free planning spirit! It didn't MATTER that I had all week to decide to do these little luncheons and call my friends ahead of time. It only mattered that I had come up with this GREAT idea, and someone wasn't letting me express it RIGHT then.

As an adult, I find myself more and more moving towards that "not liking surprises" mentality. I seem to get all flustered when things don't go according to plan, even though it was really just MY plan and not GOD'S plan for me. Do I not remember that patience is a virtue? Do I not trust that someone else has my highest benefit at heart? The One who created me always knows what's best for me....and I need to remember this more often.

I really don't have any one situation that I'm referring to. I'm just coming to realize that I need to relinquish the control that I have on my life. If I did, it would make it more easy to understand why things happen or to even just accept that there's a higher goal out there.

Things here in Euless are pretty stable right now, which is a nice and welcome change! Work is semi-peaceful. I had a wonderful opportunity to go to Orlando for a conference last week, and it was so nice to get away from work for a few days! Jason is wonderful...I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with his family this year, a first for me! I can't wait! Liberty and Oliver are spending their time beating each other up in love and sleeping. I am thankful for the stability that God has provided me with lately!

What's in the plan for the next few weeks? "They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31

I think that's self explanatory! :)

Broken

Huh. Has it really been three weeks since I last posted? This seems ridiculous.

I've had a lot go on in that short time period. Most importantly, I've lost one of the small lights in my life. My sweet Hannah Olivia has gone to be with Jesus, and I am SO happy that she doesn't hurt anymore. No more pokes or IV's or echos or pretty much anything painful. She went to see HIM quickly and didn't suffer, which was an absolute blessing. I had the blessed opportunity to be with her mom and provide support, even though I had absolutely no idea how to handle that situation.

Today, I went to her life celebration and cried all the way through it. Hannah was an absolutely precious angel. Her family is so strong. On Saturday (her going HOME day!), her mother turned to me and said "Stephanie, I'm so sorry that she couldn't be your flower girl!" Imagine that. In her time of complete pain, she's thinking of me. What an amazing woman.

In nursing school, they warn us about becoming too attached to our patients. They school us all about how involved we should be with families. This idea has been thrown out the window when it comes to my patient population. I am with them TOO much to not have an emotional connection. I am the one who told Hannah's mom "We have a heart for Hannah" and "Her new heart is beating". I've been with them through the worst and the best. And I was there at the end...to hold that sweet baby and weep with every corner of my being.

My transplant team has been through the wringer this weekend. We lost three patients...some before transplant and some after. No one really can know how this feels except those involved, but I am so thankful to my friends and family who have just been there for me. It's more than I could ever handle alone.

Please pray for Hannah's family. Pray for Amanda, Jason, and little Cooper. They need to feel HIS arms around them. Pray for everyone who has been touched by Hannah Olivia's life. We are HURTING. This precious angel left such an impression on anyone she came in contact with.


Isn't she beautiful?

Another day...

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I'm very much alive and well, sitting peacefully in Euless. I have two precious puppies who are completely sacked out in their beds after chasing each other around the house for an hour. I have a boyfriend who loves me and is working in Hearne (YAY for work!). I have a job where I can get told by parents "She wanted Miss Stephanie to kiss her stubbed toe!". I've got a good life right now!

I had an AMAZING time in Montreal! Becca and I roamed so much around the streets of that beautiful city! Of course, my trip didn't start off so well! I ended up oversleeping and missing my flight! I am RETARDED! It worked out well though, I ended up on the same flight as Becca, so we were able to figure out how to get to our hotel together instead of suffering alone! I did miss the wine and cheese reception, but no harm done! The conference was okay, but not what I expected. At one point, I snuck Becca into a luncheon, and we proceeded to be seated with the entire board of directors for the conference! Hilarious! There were SO many beautiful things to see in that city! We walked everywhere and felt totally safe at all times of the day! I fulfilled my fantasy of going to a Rachael Ray recommended restaurant AND bagel shop....and got to spend a lot of quality time with one of my best friends while doing it! Yep...when fulfilling Rachael Ray fantasies is my most exciting time, I know there's sadness abounding. Anyways, it was a great trip. My only regret was that since I packed in a RUSH, I had the most terrible shoes to traipse around Montreal in! Needless to say, these shoes have since seen the dumpster.

Since I got home, I've been completely run down with the dreaded swine flu. Every day in clinic, we diagnose another kiddo...and they are SO pitiful! Today's case was a sweet little 2 year old with the most PATHETIC face! I swabbed her nose and she didn't even CRY she felt so bad!

The puppies are absolutely INSANE right now. Oliver is currently stalking his sister. She's hiding in the crate and he keeps walking up to it and howling. He's parked in front of it, just waiting for her to come out so he can attack her. I've now fed them, so they will hopefully calm down! One never knows!

We're now watching The Dark Knight in surround sound. It's going to be a great night! This movie is CREEPY!

Anyways....guess I should sign off now. Not really anything going on right now. Except for the completely passed out puppies! What's going on in your world?

Another Sunday night!

Liberty and I are having a righteous ol' time, here in Euless. We've been experiencing the wonders of the dog park on a daily basis. Today, Liberty got her head bitten by a ferocious bull dog who apparently had it in for Lib. She got over it with only a small amount of blood drawn. She has a tiny cut on her head, but I consider it her admission to the dog park of Euless. She'll deal.

Otherwise, I am up to no good as usual. I leave for a no doubt scandalous trip to Montreal on Wednesday! I am attending the International Transplant Nurse Society meeting in Montreal, Canada! Becca is going with me, as a secret and completely non member attender! She will party in the city during the day and then we will party together in the night time hours. Has anyone been to Montreal? Are there places, beyond what Racheal Ray might say, that I need to frequent?

Jason has been working this weekend. I am SO THANKFUL that he has been able to hold this subsitutute board that gives him more money, but I don't like it that much. Ah well, I will deal. The railroad has been exeptionally stingy in who they will allow to work, so I am thankful in whatever aspect my boyfriend is allowed to work! YAY Railroad! But only for today. I may very well change my mind later.

Ok. I am needed at the television for the Primetime Emmy watching. Yes, judge me as you will, but I love awards shows!!!! It allows me to examine all the fashions and realize how completely out of touch I am with reality.

So from the middle of the Emmy celebrations, I bid you goodnight!

A new normal.

Liberty and I are getting used to a new normal. Life in Euless is quite peaceful and good. I LOVE riding the train to work. It's ultimately fabulous that I get the opportunity to read a book whilst on the commute to work! I only get the chance to ride the train while I'm off call, but it is STILL much better than driving in traffic all the time!

Not much to say today. Been working hard, but not doing a lot of transplants. This is surprising considering we have about 15 listed for transplant. Crazy!

Guess I should go to bed. I am on call at 7AM tomorrow. For only three days. What sense does THAT make? See you later!