The gift of thanks.

I am carrying life, an absolutely precious gift that I do not deserve. Heck, I don't even deserve to be alive myself, let alone be granted the ability to grow a person. I was smacked in the face with this realization this week when my friend was sentenced to bedrest at 32 weeks. Thankfully, she is healthy, her son (who is currently still cooking, PTL) is healthy, and God has once again shown that He is ultimately in control and our plans are just fluff. Even though I was completely confident that God was protecting my friend's precious son, I started to worry about our little one. The horrible "What IF?" monster crept up and started to do a number on my psyche. A hundred scenarios started racing through my already crazed brain of all the things that could go wrong. I sat on the couch, held my ever largening stomach, and worried.

Pregnancy doesn't seem real when you pee on a stick and it comes back saying "pregnant". It starts to feel more real when you have that first ultrasound and see that tiny flickering light, like a beautiful beacon in the darkness that says "Hey! I'm alive!". Being shown all the beautifully and wonderfully made body parts by a sonographer and seeing your child do acrobatic flips around the screen moves it closer to reality. For me, it was sitting on my couch, hands around my stomach, and feeling the flutterings of one very stubborn and VERY loved Russell baby dance around from one side of my body to the other.

I have no idea what God has in store for this child. I do know that this child of ours is fulfilling the plan of God for both his/her life AND our lives as parents. As humans, we are not promised today, let alone the future! What does all my worry do? Nothing! Does it get me farther in life? Nope. Will my child be more healthy, smart, or more loved because of it? Absolutely no. Worry is STUPID. Just because I say this doesn't mean I always remember it. I do have moments of relapse, just as I did on Thursday evening. It doesn't help to watch the news and hear of all the chaos going on in our country and others. But ultimately, it doesn't matter. God is in control. He tells us this, over and over. Like the stubborn children we are, we don't like to listen or remember. He will still remind us. He reminded me, as I sat on my couch and felt life dance through me. Perhaps I just needed to remember His words "PEACE. BE STILL".

This morning, I decided to sit down and come up with a list of things I am thankful for. And aren't you lucky? You get to read it! :)


~A healthy baby with a perfectly formed body who is half way completed on Tuesday
~My tight scrub pants because that means this baby is growing as they should
~A wonderful and supportive husband
~Two beautiful boys who teach me every day what it is to be a mom
~Being born into the family I have
~Growing up learning every day about Jesus and how much He loves me
~Having friends from all parts of life...work, church, school, you name it!
~Being taught every day that my plans are not HIS plans

Oh, the list could go on forever. For now, I will continue to remember who created me, loves me, and always has the best plans for me, even when I don't know them. I will sit here, hold my growing middle, and be thankful.