A friend on this trip is blogging with pictures about our experiences! Feel free to follow our story online!

http://trenasue.blogspot.com

All is going well! Will have to update when I have more time! :)

Please don't ever let it get easier!

Today, another one of my sweet patients ran headlong into the arms of Jesus. He persevered long and hard, but in the end, his earthly calling was finished and his heavenly calling was ready to begin. I had the honor and the priviledge to be part of his journey for a small moment, but the light in his eyes and his contagious smile will stay with me forever. I have the priviledge (and sometimes the burden) of knowing the last thing he said in this world was "I love you Stephanie"....almost three months ago.

One of the risks of my profession is that you can get desensitized to the idea of a child dying. I do not ever want to be one of those people. Even when I know it's time for a sweet angel to go meet Jesus, I still want to be as affected each and every time. It completely destroys me, but I know that's probably for the best. Today, my eyes have been so puffy that I haven't left the house for fear of scaring someone!

Enjoy fishing in heaven, my sweet friend. I'll bet the fish are HUGE! :) "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith." ---2 Timothy 4:7

Mis vacaciones Honduran!!

Well, it's not really going to be a vacation, but wanted a minute to show off my pitiful grasp of the spanish language! My Honduran mission trip is now in less than a week and there's a million things going through my head! I have no doubt in my nursing abilities...so that's thankfully not one of my concerns! I am concerned about my communication skills! I can do a good round of medical Spanish with the best of them, but I'm hoping it's enough! Here's a run down on my itinerary...mostly so all the people who read this blog can pray for my team while we're gone!

Feb 8: We leave DFW at 7:15, arrive in San Pedro Sula, Honduras around noon.
Feb 9: Set up day at the hospital. We're going to be working at Cemesa Hospital in San Pedro Sula for the week.
Feb 10: Our team building day-we're going to the Honduran beach for a day of relaxation before the week's madness begins!
Feb 11: We start our week of fun. Not sure how many surgeries or heart catherizations we will be doing, but it's not my job to know! :) I will just be there to take care of those precious Honduran children and keep them out of pain! We'll be doing surgeries, most likely from Monday-Friday. We'll be getting the kids stable enough to be taken to the Barnabus house to recover until they can go to their remote villages. Saturday and Sunday will be spent making sure none of the children are still in the hospital when the team leaves the country.
Feb 18: The majority of the team will head home. I will be traveling to the mountains of central Honduras to the Barnabus house to monitor the children for complications before they go home. This house is staffed by nurses who get overwhelmed at the large influx of kids we send after our mission is completed. It's helpful to them to have a few extra pairs of nursing eyes to watch these sweet kiddos. It's pretty minimal work! We pretty much just relax in the beautiful mountains while reading, playing, and eating! What a nice ending to the trip!
Feb 20: I head home!

There are SO many people going on this trip! Surgeons, cardiologists, surgical techs, perfusionists(they run the life support machine!), Anesthesiologists, ICU doctors, ICU nurses, Step down nurses, child life specialists, chaplains....and so many more! Your prayers are coveted!



I hope to update before I leave, but I can't promise anything! If you're interested in a daily email while we're gone, you can send a blank email to news@fobf.org and they'll send one out!

Winter weather watch!

The weather here is FRIGID! I'm not complaining, I'd much rather be cold than hot anyway! Liberty and I are spending a delightful night under a blanket watching Hairspray for the third time this week! I am SO addicted to this movie! I've ordered it and the soundtrack from Amazon, but it's not here yet. Sadness! I am a sucker for a good musical and can't believe I didn't see this one in the theater!

I'm SO glad the week is over! Of course, I started back on call today, and don't worry...I've ALREADY gotten called with heart offers! My surgeon isn't even in town! If we end up transplanting, she'll fly back, but it makes for some excitement.

This weekend, I'm not planning on much! I've got a surprise birthday party tomorrow night in the absolute Dallas GHETTO. It's for a wonderful friend, so I don't mind that the location is a TAD shady. Other than that, Liberty and I have to deliver a birthday present to my sister-in-law tomorrow.

I really REALLY wanted it to ice over this morning. I even turned on the news before I even got out of bed to see if there were delays so I could spend my day in bed! Sadly, there was no ice to be had. There really wasn't even any traffic! So much for some early morning drama!

Hope your weekend is warm and wonderful!

Peace and quiet

Well, it was almost all peaceful and quiet, this beautiful off-call weekend of mine! I did wake up on Saturday morning to the annoying noise of my pager...apparently a doctor paged me at 4:40 that morning and I never even heard it! Now, when I'm not on call, I don't sleep with ANYTHING in my bedroom. No phone, no pager, no Treo. It's not surprising I didn't hear it...what's suprising is that the pager actually kept going off! Thankfully, I know the surgeon who called me was able to reach the actual person on call.

Yesterday, I went shopping and to the movies! 27 dresses is such a great chick flick, if anyone is in the mood to just smile! I've pretty much had a perfectly wonderful weekend! It's been relaxing and not stressful, which is exactly what I needed. Liberty is being annoyingly clingy...perhaps she senses that in less than 3 weeks, I'll leave her for 2 weeks! I don't think I've been away from her that long before. Oh well, she's a dog...and she'll no doubt handle it much better than I.

I'm watching Runaway Bride right now. Every time I watch this movie, I feel the absolute craving to eat eggs! Perhaps it's because eggs are talked about! Thankfully, it's not making me think of weddings or anything serious like that! I always loved that Richard Gere's cat is named Italics. What a great name! When I am finished with patriotic dog names, I'll have to move on to punctuation names....

I'm on outpatient this week, which means I get to see a few of my sweet babies tomorrow when they come for their biopsies! I do love seeing when they come in and they are healthy!

I think I have a Honduras planning meeting this week. Hooray! Especially since I am leaving in less than three weeks, I'd like to be more prepared...but that's apparently not going to be the case.

Well, I'd probably better get to bed. My staying up late on the weekends is always harmful when I start getting back into my week day schedule. Oh well, that's going to be a complication I'm willing to take.

The stupid Giants won the NFC championship. The ONE time I was rooting for the Packers...and they lost. Now I have to cheer for the Patriots, which Kris will LOVE, but I will loathe. I mean, really, the only good thing about the Patriots is Tom Brady's physical appearance. He's vapid, but still a beautiful man! Now I have to cheer FOR them because I can NOT in good conscience cheer for the Giants. It's a conundrum.

I hope your week is absolutely fabulous!

My blog's reading level....

Hmmm...interesting.

Online Payday Loans

Wow!

Just when I think I can't keep going in my job, something small like a performance review hits me when I need it. I had a mini review last month, but all the people who were supposed to evaluate me hadn't gotten their feedback in yet. Today, I got the official results. At Children's, we're rated 1-5 and our pay raise is linked to how good we do. My boss told me today that he's never had an employee who was "outstanding" in every category in their first year of working in that department. WOW! He had go through special permission to get me my raise since it was the most allowed. I was given a copy and am still in shock at the last phrase, coined by the transplant surgeon..."Stephanie is a true pleasure to work with and if technology someday permits should be cloned."

God has truly blessed me!

Cowboys Vs Giants.....17-21

ARG. That's all I have to say. Personally, I blame Jessica Simpson. I hate her.

Surviving the new year

A weekend off call when you have had a really horrible week at work is like a GIANT piece of chocolate cake. It's enticing, fabulous, and you just can't get enough! I don't really wish to blog about work right now, mostly because I'm trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Weeks where I have more than one occasion of bursting into tears are not common, but I still hate each and every one of them. When the medical director for transplant tells me I need to "go out and party this weekend so you don't think about work", I start to wonder what kind of image people are seeing on my face. When I walk into the surgical director's office and she says "oh GOOD, you still work here!", I really start to wonder! But ENOUGH about work. I'm tired of it and I don't wanna talk about it any more!

Let's instead discuss my fabulous weekend off! I have been extremely productive today! I actually CLEANED the bathroom, which is something I've been saying I was going to do for the last three weeks and have never done. I did a few loads of laundry, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and still played with the puppies enough to tire them both out. They are both passed out on the chaise lounge with me. I also got the opportunity to play with a friend from LeTourneau! I haven't had a chance to see her since her wedding in 2001! That's WAY too long! We roamed around Firewheel mall for several hours today! I had so much fun! (And I got to shop!)

In less than a month, I'll be in Honduras! I'm getting more and more excited about this trip! I still have absolutely no idea what to pack, but I'm sure I'll get told at some point. I know I'm leaving on February 8, but that's about all I know. One would hope I'd be given some information soon, but we'll just have to see. Once we get there, I'm just planning on being a post-op nurse...taking care of those sweet cardiac Honduran kiddos!

Hope your weekend is as relaxing as mine!

Happy New Year!

Wow! Can it really be 2008 already? I am absolutely convinced that the years go by much faster the older I get. It really seems like just yesterday I was ringing in 2007 and now it's already over. It's about to be one year since I started the quest for a new job....a job I don't regret taking most of the time. I've grown so much as both a person and a nurse through this job. I feel that I am smarter and every day I get to learn something new! I've developed friendships with surgeons and cardiologists....people I never would have had the opportunity to get to know before. I'm a lot busier than before, taking call, being at the hospital on weekends that I'm supposed to be off....but it's all worth it to have developed relationships with these precious families. I've seen nine hearts come out of ice and be restarted in their new owners and NINE times have I had the priviledge to go tell family "We have a beating heart!".

As far as the rest of my life goes, it's stayed pretty much the same. I guess that's good, right? It's best not to change everything at once! I'm looking forward to some changes in 2008, although not quite sure what they are yet. I'm not planning on moving, not changing jobs or puppies, and hopefully will just make even more friends!

I'm still on call for new transplants, but thankfully have switched off call for our kiddos who have already had them. Not that I don't love those kids, but being on all call at the same time gets really old and tiring! I'm starting to count down the days until I go to Honduras, and I can't WAIT! It will be one month from Tuesday! Thanks to my wonderful family and friends, I've already raised the money needed to go! I'll post more details about the trip when I get them.

I hope 2008 is an amazing year for all of us! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Overworked!

I have never been SO tired after a weekend on call. Apparently everyone in the hospital is completely incapable of doing the work on their own. So many stupid questions were posed to me this weekend! On top of that, I got chewed out by an angry and frustrated parent (not at me, but the situation he's in). I just sat there and validated his feelings and directed him to the person who could actually do something about it. I've also had NO sleep in the last 36 hours because we've had FOUR really good heart offers that I've spent an average of 6 hours each on, and then they all fell through because of various stupid reasons. It's frustrating to work that hard and have NO ONE get a heart because of it. I think I talked to the surgeon about every hour since last night at 7pm. I'm just thankful it was her, and not the other surgeon because he would have come even more unglued than Kris and I did. Thank goodness for small blessings.

I went to a wine tasting last night, which was completely interrupted by the first of the four heart calls. I did get to enjoy a good part of it, although not the wine. Darn being on call! :( Today, I went to a goodbye brunch for a good friend of mine. I was only called away to the phone twice during that! Hooray!

I'm all alone this week as my counterpart has taken vacation. It should be pretty busy, especially since we're going to be discharging our newest transplant (out in less than a WEEK after transplant!) tomorrow. Aside from that, we'll see what madness develops! I am praying for uninterrupted sleep tonight! Please? PLEASE? :)

Oliver's mission

For Christmas, my dad bought Oliver what he believed to be an undestroyable toy. He did not realize the great power and toy shredding capacity that Oliver has. It did take him 48 hours to break into the toy, but the end result is always the same. Shreds abounding....squeakers out....fluff everywhere! Here are some pictures...

Before he is given the toy....

He looks kinda crazy here, but he's really just excited to have a new toy!

The shredding begins. Note the pieces of the toy strewn about.

Fluff EVERYWHERE!!

Squeaker out!

Now he's tired and needs to sleep!

It's an exciting life we lead here in Dallas...

FREEDOM!

I am SO happy right now! I'm OFF call and I don't go back to work until Friday the 28th! Ta DA! :) I am going to spend the day tomorrow trying to finish my Christmas shopping and getting my car fixed. There's a CD that's been stuck in my car for about three months, and I just CAN'T get it out! So, I'm gonna have them attempt to fix it while the radio is still under warranty! I also have to take the puppies to the vet for shots and the like. What a fun time for them!

I think I finally got all the presents mailed off to those who won't be there. It took some last minute stress and work-lateness (oh, I made that word up!), but it's finally done! I just wish those people could be at my Grandma's too, but they have other committments. I think I have just one more person to buy for and then the wrapping begins.

Last week was so FUN! I got to go to my very first Mavericks game! I went with a few girls from work. We sat ALL the way on the very top row, but we still had a great time! On Saturday, I had the opportunity to go to the main CT surgeon's Christmas party. It was SO fancy! They had a cello player, a singer, servers, and the most amazing food! They had this wonderously fabulous avocado bar! You got a half of an avocado and then there were all sorts of wonderous things to fill it with! Bacon, sour cream, pico de gallo, cheese....so good!



Today was a really good clinic day! I got to see so many of my sweet babies (I call them ALL babies...even the teenagers!) including "Mr 100". He finally gets to go back to his home town after being in Dallas since August 10! He was so excited today. He gave me a big goodbye hug. I am really gonna miss seeing him every week!

I'm headed out to my Grandma's house either Saturday or Sunday. Liberty will be with me, no doubt to enjoy the four hours on the road. Oliver will be living it up at Becca's with her family. It's been wonderful having him back this week. He's such a snuggle bug. I think I have some great pics of him from this week....




I won't be blogging until I get back from my grandma's house next week. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. Here's a picture of my beautifully self-chopped (or actually, Michael chopped) Christmas tree. Enjoy!

A plethora of technology

I am back on call until the 20th. Back to sleeping with all my electronics next to my night stand. We have 2 kiddos on the list right now, so anything is possible. On a better note, my sweet little guy is improving every day. It's slow, but it is progress. Keep him in your prayers, he is very in need of them!

My house is decorated for Christmas! I've got my beautiful live tree all decorated! My favorite piece, my Willow Tree nativity, is all assembled. I've actually started Christmas shopping, but I haven't really accomplished much. I am hoping to do some tomorrow since I only have a massage and an open house to attend. Hooray for massages! I absolutely need one as my entire body is crampy and hurting.

I've also got to buy some sort of Christmas fancy outfit. I was invited to the main surgeon's Christmas party and my date is my favorite transplant surgeon! :) She always dresses fabulously, so I guess I'd better look good as well! I already have shoes, so I think I just need a party dress. That's not necessarily an easy task!

There is SOMETHING going on outside tonight. I have been hearing sirens and firetrucks for about 15 minutes, and several helicopters have quickly flown over. I have no idea what it's all about...but it is kinda scary!

Well, I guess that's just about it that's going on here. Busy busy busy.

Answered prayers!

Two weeks ago, I experienced the worst transplant I had ever been in on. It was long, drawn out, complicated, and disheartening. It didn't end well and the next 2 weeks were an absolute stress-filled disaster. This sweet little boy ended up having to be re-listed, with no idea if we were even going to get any offers. Time was running out...

Until 10:59 last night, when someone made the decision to offer the gift of life. I can NOT stress enough how much organ donation affects people. Honestly people, you do NOT need your organs after you're gone...so why keep them? There are so many myths about organ donation....and so MANY REWARDS! To see the face of someone change after you've just told them "We have a heart for your son/daughter" is a look I'll never be able to erase from my mind. Why would someone want to hold that back or not allow it to happen? Did you know there are 90,000 people waiting for organs and only about 35,000 organs being donated? Ridiculous!

Anyways....off the soap box and back to reality....

I am anxiously awaiting the results of this newest transplant, but I DO know that the new heart is beating...something that couldn't be said for the last one. :) Please keep the prayers going for this sweet boy and his family. Seeing as the last thing he said to me was "I love you Stephanie!", I really REALLY want a good outcome! Pray hard! AND BECOME AN ORGAN DONOR!

A week gone by...

WOW. I can't believe it's almost December already! Where on EARTH has the time gone? I sat down yesterday to scratch out some thougnts for a Christmas letter and thought of all the things that had gone on this year. Now I am sitting watching Charlie Brown Christmas, still amazed that it's time for this again!

Thankgiving was SUCH a nice break from work, especially since it has been so absolutely crazy the last few days before. My sister flew in from Virginia and didn't leave until yesterday, so we had a FUN time together. Lots of shopping, lots of eating, lots of talking...and lots of bed hogging, according to Kimberly. I do not believe the last one, but she swears by it. HEY. It's my bed, I do not have to share. :)

Things at the hospital are so-so. My sweet transplant from last week is stable at the moment. He needs a new heart and LOTS of prayers. The annual Children's Christmas parade is this Saturday, and I have FOUR transplanted kiddos in it! I'm excited to see them be able to take part! It will be on 350 stations nationwide, so make sure to watch it! It's SUCH a quality parade and the kids LOVE it! Not sure if I'll be walking in the parade this year or not, but you'll have to watch to find out! :)

www.childrensparade.com has all the syndication listings.

I think I am trying to acquire a cold at the moment. I've been taking lots of zinc and echinecia and other things to ward it off, but I think it's coming anyways. Stupid cold.

I'm sending out Christmas cards this week and would LOVE to send you one! Email me your address if you read this...I'd love to get my address list more complete!

HAVE A GREAT DAY! :)

Fighting for his life.

A sweet little boy received the gift of a new heart yesterday. I've really bonded with this family (I know that it seems like I ALWAYS do, but this family is a special one!) and was so thrilled to be a part of his experience. Unfortunately, there were complications and he is SO sick right now. This boy is a FIGHTER and does not give up easily, so I know he is fighting with all his might right now. Please lift up prayers for him, his parents, and his sisters. Just a really quick story about how sweet he is. When we brought him to the OR, he looked at me and said "Oh don't worry Stephanie, I won't harass you now!". I laughed and said he could harass me all he wanted. When we got him on the table, he asked for me and then told me he loved me (he was completely on calm down meds at this point!). Then he asked if we would pray before he went to sleep. We all stopped and the anesthesiologist prayed out loud for him and the surgery. AFter that, he just calmed right down and went right to sleep. So sweet.

I'm exhausted after the longest heart transplant surgery in my hospital's history. I got there at 11AM yesterday and got home at 8AM today. YAWN. Need sleep! Please PRAY HARD!

Patience is a virtue I need HELP with.

Let's just work through some scenes from my life. Imagine that you are working in your office on a project for a parent. You're on a website for this family, doing research. Your extremely nosy coworker looks OVER your shoulder and says "What are you looking up?".

Scene #2: Instead of preparing materials for a meeting as previously discussed, certain co-worker spends three hours doing nothing and then leaves the office with the meeting materials incomplete.

Does anyone have a nice and tactful way of confronting situation #1? I already handled situation #2. I don't know how to nicely say "GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!" Suggestions? Comments? Encouragement? Because situations like that make me want to quit my job. I'm completely afraid I'm going to SNAP and say something rude and I'm normally not RUDE!

ARG.

Outta here!

The Phoenix Sky Harbor airport has my undying gratitude and thanks. First of all, the absolute QUICKEST check in/security screen I've ever enountered. Second, and most important, they have FREE wireless internet! What a delight! I can waste my hour of sitting time playing around on the internet and not have to pay the bothersome 6-10 dollars that the companies airports contract with like to steal from me. I am very grateful.

I am VERY sad the conference is over! What a great experience! It's one thing to be with coordinators all day at work, but this conference allowed me to meet with coordinators from all over the country and see what works for them in their programs! I was able to network and have fun with people who do EXACTLY what I do, and that's always a great time! My hospital paid for my hotel/meals/airfare so it was nice to not be stressed about money for once. My hotel room was beautiful, the conference kept feeding us, and the weather was hot but NOT humid. The only thing that could have made it better was for me to have taken a friend with me. Next time, I'll certainly know better. It's nice to wander a new city alone, but I'm such a talker that I'm sure some people thought I was homeless and talking to myself!

Here's my latest conundrum. Suitcases. I'm telling you, I really only bought 2 votive holders and 2 things of soap while in Arizona. Before I left, my suitcase was easily close-able. I practically had to LAY on it, even in the most stretched out setting to get it to close before I left! Do dirty clothes take up more space? It was so frustrating because I KNOW my suitcase weighed less than 40lbs when I left. Upon check in today, I discovered it weighed a hefty 47. What the heck? Such a mystery...

I am happy to see my sweet puppies this evening! I'm sure Liberty has forgotten all about me...fickle baby.

There are A LOT of people who want to go to DFW today. Our flight here was packed, and I'm sure that this one will be as well. I really despise long flights. I have too much need to wiggle and move and the people around me start to stare me down. I can't help it! I've never been able to sit still!

Tomorrow, it's back to work, but thankfully only a three day week! And I am NOT on call! Okay, I take it back. Apparently, my co-worker has messed with the schedule and I am on call for donors starting on Friday. CRAP. I can't catch a break. Thankfully, after that, she is on call for a full two weeks, none of this one week business. So I'll end up two weeks on, one week off, one week on? This makes no sense. I give UP trying to figure out her thought processes. I'm just going to have to REALLY take advantage of my three nights with my phone out of my room. It's been really odd this week to not have my pager on...I've enjoyed it! :)

Well, the plane is gonna take off soon. Guess I'd better shut this down. In a few hours, PUPPIES! :)

So stinkin' confused!

Hello from Tempe, Arizona! I arrived here yesterday afternoon and will not be leaving until Tuesday night! Such a long conference! I'm actually really enjoying the conference. It's so applicable to my job that I am not bored! (well, most of the time anyway!) My room is beautiful and has a patio that overlooks the courtyard which is full of fountains! If I had my cable thingy, I'd upload pics I took, but that will have to wait. I went to the pool today and was surrounded by palm trees, cacti, and a HUGE butte/mesa thing. I'll have to take pictures of that tomorrow! The weather here is beautiful this time of year. It's always pleasant outside, but not humid. Probably the most interesting thing this conference has to offer is the snack stations. I'm serious, it feels like they want us to eat ALL the time! If I am really bold, I'll try to take a picture of this wonderland. It's constant food...and all kinds! Fruits, juice, water, sodas, pastries, trail mix, cookies, crackers, candy, cereal, granola bars, and ice cream abound! It's INSANE! So far, there are only 2 things I have found that I don't like. #1: This is a Pepsi drinking hotel. EW and ICK. When faced with the soda choice, those people who know me know my serious addiction to Diet Dr Pepper. When that's not available, I'll go for Diet Coke. If all else fails and the sky has fallen, I'll drink Diet Pepsi. I'm dying for DDP right about now. #2: I can NOT understand the time zone here. I am 2 hours off central time because Arizona doesn't use daylight savings time. Tomorrow, I'll be 3 hours off. As if that wasn't weird enough, I can't figure out the times my TV shows are on! I just looked on Yahoo TV in the Arizona section to see what was on TV now...all I could recognize was Liar Liar. When I checked the schedule, it said that was supposed to be on at midnight...but it's only 9! I'm so puzzled.

It absolutely floors me that by the time I get home, I will be three hours off in time zones. SO weird. I love that the hotel even provides a little paper on "The history of Daylight Savings Time". So educational!

Well, since my body thinks it's nearly midnight, I'm off to bed. I roamed around Tempe tonight and actually went to a movie alone! I've never done that before! Perhaps it was the freedom of a new city.

I do miss my puppies. It's weird to go to bed by myself. :)