Learning to accept change

As a little girl growing up in church, one of my favorite things was to spend the afternoon at a friend's house after Sunday morning services. We had to be back at church that night, so it was always fun to be a part of another family for awhile.

If you know anything about me in my personal life, I'm a wonderful ATTEMPTED planner, but it typically doesn't work out the way I've decided it should. These events were no exception. My friends and I would come up with this brilliant idea for lunch fun during Sunday school and then I was left to ask permission from my mother. For some reason, we always went to the other family first. Eight times out of ten, my mother would look at me and say "Now, Stephanie, you know I hate surprises." OOH! That would infuriate my free planning spirit! It didn't MATTER that I had all week to decide to do these little luncheons and call my friends ahead of time. It only mattered that I had come up with this GREAT idea, and someone wasn't letting me express it RIGHT then.

As an adult, I find myself more and more moving towards that "not liking surprises" mentality. I seem to get all flustered when things don't go according to plan, even though it was really just MY plan and not GOD'S plan for me. Do I not remember that patience is a virtue? Do I not trust that someone else has my highest benefit at heart? The One who created me always knows what's best for me....and I need to remember this more often.

I really don't have any one situation that I'm referring to. I'm just coming to realize that I need to relinquish the control that I have on my life. If I did, it would make it more easy to understand why things happen or to even just accept that there's a higher goal out there.

Things here in Euless are pretty stable right now, which is a nice and welcome change! Work is semi-peaceful. I had a wonderful opportunity to go to Orlando for a conference last week, and it was so nice to get away from work for a few days! Jason is wonderful...I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with his family this year, a first for me! I can't wait! Liberty and Oliver are spending their time beating each other up in love and sleeping. I am thankful for the stability that God has provided me with lately!

What's in the plan for the next few weeks? "They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31

I think that's self explanatory! :)

Broken

Huh. Has it really been three weeks since I last posted? This seems ridiculous.

I've had a lot go on in that short time period. Most importantly, I've lost one of the small lights in my life. My sweet Hannah Olivia has gone to be with Jesus, and I am SO happy that she doesn't hurt anymore. No more pokes or IV's or echos or pretty much anything painful. She went to see HIM quickly and didn't suffer, which was an absolute blessing. I had the blessed opportunity to be with her mom and provide support, even though I had absolutely no idea how to handle that situation.

Today, I went to her life celebration and cried all the way through it. Hannah was an absolutely precious angel. Her family is so strong. On Saturday (her going HOME day!), her mother turned to me and said "Stephanie, I'm so sorry that she couldn't be your flower girl!" Imagine that. In her time of complete pain, she's thinking of me. What an amazing woman.

In nursing school, they warn us about becoming too attached to our patients. They school us all about how involved we should be with families. This idea has been thrown out the window when it comes to my patient population. I am with them TOO much to not have an emotional connection. I am the one who told Hannah's mom "We have a heart for Hannah" and "Her new heart is beating". I've been with them through the worst and the best. And I was there at the end...to hold that sweet baby and weep with every corner of my being.

My transplant team has been through the wringer this weekend. We lost three patients...some before transplant and some after. No one really can know how this feels except those involved, but I am so thankful to my friends and family who have just been there for me. It's more than I could ever handle alone.

Please pray for Hannah's family. Pray for Amanda, Jason, and little Cooper. They need to feel HIS arms around them. Pray for everyone who has been touched by Hannah Olivia's life. We are HURTING. This precious angel left such an impression on anyone she came in contact with.


Isn't she beautiful?

Another day...

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I'm very much alive and well, sitting peacefully in Euless. I have two precious puppies who are completely sacked out in their beds after chasing each other around the house for an hour. I have a boyfriend who loves me and is working in Hearne (YAY for work!). I have a job where I can get told by parents "She wanted Miss Stephanie to kiss her stubbed toe!". I've got a good life right now!

I had an AMAZING time in Montreal! Becca and I roamed so much around the streets of that beautiful city! Of course, my trip didn't start off so well! I ended up oversleeping and missing my flight! I am RETARDED! It worked out well though, I ended up on the same flight as Becca, so we were able to figure out how to get to our hotel together instead of suffering alone! I did miss the wine and cheese reception, but no harm done! The conference was okay, but not what I expected. At one point, I snuck Becca into a luncheon, and we proceeded to be seated with the entire board of directors for the conference! Hilarious! There were SO many beautiful things to see in that city! We walked everywhere and felt totally safe at all times of the day! I fulfilled my fantasy of going to a Rachael Ray recommended restaurant AND bagel shop....and got to spend a lot of quality time with one of my best friends while doing it! Yep...when fulfilling Rachael Ray fantasies is my most exciting time, I know there's sadness abounding. Anyways, it was a great trip. My only regret was that since I packed in a RUSH, I had the most terrible shoes to traipse around Montreal in! Needless to say, these shoes have since seen the dumpster.

Since I got home, I've been completely run down with the dreaded swine flu. Every day in clinic, we diagnose another kiddo...and they are SO pitiful! Today's case was a sweet little 2 year old with the most PATHETIC face! I swabbed her nose and she didn't even CRY she felt so bad!

The puppies are absolutely INSANE right now. Oliver is currently stalking his sister. She's hiding in the crate and he keeps walking up to it and howling. He's parked in front of it, just waiting for her to come out so he can attack her. I've now fed them, so they will hopefully calm down! One never knows!

We're now watching The Dark Knight in surround sound. It's going to be a great night! This movie is CREEPY!

Anyways....guess I should sign off now. Not really anything going on right now. Except for the completely passed out puppies! What's going on in your world?

Another Sunday night!

Liberty and I are having a righteous ol' time, here in Euless. We've been experiencing the wonders of the dog park on a daily basis. Today, Liberty got her head bitten by a ferocious bull dog who apparently had it in for Lib. She got over it with only a small amount of blood drawn. She has a tiny cut on her head, but I consider it her admission to the dog park of Euless. She'll deal.

Otherwise, I am up to no good as usual. I leave for a no doubt scandalous trip to Montreal on Wednesday! I am attending the International Transplant Nurse Society meeting in Montreal, Canada! Becca is going with me, as a secret and completely non member attender! She will party in the city during the day and then we will party together in the night time hours. Has anyone been to Montreal? Are there places, beyond what Racheal Ray might say, that I need to frequent?

Jason has been working this weekend. I am SO THANKFUL that he has been able to hold this subsitutute board that gives him more money, but I don't like it that much. Ah well, I will deal. The railroad has been exeptionally stingy in who they will allow to work, so I am thankful in whatever aspect my boyfriend is allowed to work! YAY Railroad! But only for today. I may very well change my mind later.

Ok. I am needed at the television for the Primetime Emmy watching. Yes, judge me as you will, but I love awards shows!!!! It allows me to examine all the fashions and realize how completely out of touch I am with reality.

So from the middle of the Emmy celebrations, I bid you goodnight!

A new normal.

Liberty and I are getting used to a new normal. Life in Euless is quite peaceful and good. I LOVE riding the train to work. It's ultimately fabulous that I get the opportunity to read a book whilst on the commute to work! I only get the chance to ride the train while I'm off call, but it is STILL much better than driving in traffic all the time!

Not much to say today. Been working hard, but not doing a lot of transplants. This is surprising considering we have about 15 listed for transplant. Crazy!

Guess I should go to bed. I am on call at 7AM tomorrow. For only three days. What sense does THAT make? See you later!

A Sleepless in Seattle classic!

When the sun is high in the afternoon sky
You can always find something to do
But from dusk till dawn as the clock ticks on
Something happens to you

In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the boy
And never ever think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You'd be his if only he'd call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss him most of all




This is such a beautiful song! Of course, it's completely not applicable to my current relationship. It DOES, in fact, go with my sleeping pattern as of late! I've been awake for a long time already, and it's only 5:42AM! I end up either not being able to go to sleep, or most of the time it ends up that I can't STAY asleep. I think I'm averaging about 3-4 hours a night. Over a month's time, that tends to lead to CRAZY Stephanie. I've tried lots of different things with varying results. A quiet, calm, and cool environment didn't seem to make a difference. Benadryl makes me groggy, but I still wake up early. Ambien makes me clean out the fridge and straighten the apartment while sleeping...I completely don't remember it and I still only get about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It's starting to get really old, especially when I'm on call. I had chalked it up to moving stress, but seeing as I've been moved for 2 weeks now, that doesn't seem to be the answer. Apparently, I am just not destined for good sleep for awhile.

I am excited that I've got some fun things in the works! My birthday is a week from tomorrow and I'm hosting a happy hour at this yummy restaurant called Sambuca. I won it at the Dallas bridal show and thought I'd share the wealth! I also get to go to Montreal for a work conference on the 23rd! I am WAY excited about that! I got to go to Vancouver last September, now onto the other side of the country this year! Maybe I'm supposed to make this a pattern?

Well, I've got a few hours before I have to be bright and shiny. Maybe I could try and sleep? HA!

Life as it is...

WOW! Hooray for life in Euless! It's an absolute fabulous experience, right here in Euless, Texas. I am actually loving my life in the suburbs. It's quiet, calm, and comepletely predictable! BUT THAT IS OK!!!

I am getting used to the suburbs. I have MISSED this! My apartment is slowly coming together...it really depends on the moment with my decorating skills!! :)

Other than the moving, things are going well. Jason is working more than I would like, but I get over it. Liberty, Oliver, and I continue to hang out. Oliver got his blood drawn last week to make sure his levels of phenobarbitol were correct. All levels were good and he continues to be seizure free. Go Ollie!

Jason and I went to Costco today....in Southlake. What an experience! It is hilarious to watch pretty people! Sitting in the food court, watching the fancy people scarf down pizza for 2 dollars a slice.....is AWESOME!!!

And now I am asleep. Perhaps I should sleep!!!