Dumping ground.

I don't like to use this blog as a dumping ground. I enjoy sharing all the little nuances about my mostly boring life...and try to keep things light and cheery. My life is normally wonderful, and I don't usually have much to complain about.

BUT...that's not the case right now. If you're not interested in hearing how my life truly is this week, this might be the point where you click over to one of my lovely friends blogs. BUT, if you're fully prepared to experience the week of disaster, please read on..especially since I'm needing support from my friends!

These are in no particular order, except the order they come into my warped and crazy stressed out brain.

1. My manager is taking another job. For most people, this may seem like a wee thing, but my manager literally keeps me from killing people. Well, I guess people is not accurate. PERSON is accurate. I'm extremely worried that the new manager is going to let the person in question get her way all the time. I'm not asking for much in life...just for some equality and organization. I have until November 2 (when I leave for a conference) to convince her to stay. I don't think I'll be successful in that one.

2. I had to take a sweet patient off the transplant list because she's too sick to be transplanted. I held her mother in my arms while she was absolutely losing it over this daughter. To see how much she has done for this child, and to still hear her say "I wonder if I did everything I could and if I am a good mother" broke MY heart. She told me that she has been praying that God would keep letting her know what she needed to do about her daughter, and today before she even knew what was going on, she thought God had told her it was time for her to come be with Him. What do you even SAY to that?

3. I walked by a room today that was undergoing full code. Compressions, intubating, bagging, tons of drugs, you name it. Seeing that stopped and a baby that can't be saved being placed into its mother's arms is a sight people should not ever have to see. Watching that mother weep into the wild head of her child's hair will absolutely mess you up.

4. I opened my mail yesterday and got a stupid red light citation. How retarded. They have all these stupid pictures with the red light blown up so you can't possibly refute the charge. They do give you an option of disputing it in court. How retarded. Who would POSSIBLY do that? There's $75 I'll never see again...

5. Another precious transplant baby had a really hard day after a procedure yesterday. She's very special to me, as is her family, and it was very sketchy for awhile as to how she was going to do. She's doing better today, but there's no telling. I wish she'd behave.

6. I feel like garbage. Let's just say, I'm really wishing God had decided to place the child bearing duties on men. Enough said.

7. I can't sleep. I not only have problems falling asleep, but I wake up between 1-2AM every night and can't go back to sleep for another couple of hours. My REM cycle is completely off, and I have no idea how to fix it. I've tried making it hotter in my bedroom, making it cooler, sleeping in shorts vs pants, no caffeine vs caffeine. All of it doesn't seem to make a difference. A very easy way to fix this would be taking something to help me sleep...BUT the big kink in that plan is that I am on call this week. I'm afraid I wouldn't wake up if I got paged, and that would not be acceptable. The lack of sleep combined with my increased stress and very increased hormone levels is not making me not a nice person.

Okay, the complaining session is done. Please pray for my spirits to lift. It's getting really old...